well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you had me at cake vodka
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
