Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
