Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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