everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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