I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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