Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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