either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
