Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
