dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
