You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
