i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
