We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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