Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
