How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
