how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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