I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
