i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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