We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize