He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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