Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
