I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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