Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
