It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
