I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
