The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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