i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please come you make the beer taste better
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
