please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
