she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
