Non-Jews are for practice
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
