Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
