I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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