Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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