i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
