Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
