Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize