he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
