Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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