So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
