I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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