He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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