I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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