I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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