My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize