I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
