Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
