why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
