ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
