Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I touched a dick in church today
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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