I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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