im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
