I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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