none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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