I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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