I wish I could punch you in the face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
