I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
