God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
