So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
