that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
