She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
