My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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