When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
