I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
