It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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