I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
