So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
