my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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