a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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