I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
